Finding Yourself And Owning It

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18 ESV



This entry is my therapy. It is also a personal message to my friends and family. It is also my plea and hope for anyone reading this going through the journey of discovering who you are in a world of opposite minded people.

I very recently took a 2 month hiatus from Facebook for many reasons. I needed to run away from current vaccine news and proposed exemption law changes; I needed to focus on my children, my home, my schoolwork and myself. Since I met Dana and opened my eyes to the fact that my child was very sick, I've had to question everything I thought I knew about the world: healthcare, food, cleaning products, pollution, politics, my morals, pretty much everything that made up my life. I changed direction in my journey of life from a once pre-nursing student to a current holistic health practitioner student. Seeing my child in pain and constantly confused or angry hurt me on such a deep level, I would have walked thousands of miles on flaming glass to make him better. And with God's amazing grace, I have almost achieved his entire healing. We have a few more hurdles in the way, but I count my blessings each day for the incredible healing he has had in such a short amount of time. So many of my friends in the same situation are not so lucky.

As you can imagine or most likely already know, becoming the mother who is trying to heal or "cure" her child of a mostly thought of behavioral/mental/genetic disorder can bring about some controversy with friends and family, even the ones closest to you. My experience and studying brought out the outspoken advocate within me and I'm quite vocal about what I've learned and what I believe in. I've lost friends and I've lost a lot of respect from people I care about. I've had days where I just sat staring at the lowering friend count on Facebook and cried. It hurts a lot when the ones you love think you're crazy and turn away. It's almost enough to make you question yourself and what you stand for. I've seen it happen to so many of you.

This is when it is time to dig down for your strength. You know who you are and what you stand for. So stand for it. There are so many people like you. For every friend I've lost, I've gained at least 5 more. They understand my journey because they are on it too. They're out there and they are easy to find. I see mothers and fathers going through hell to save their children- Fighting with the school district for a proper education for their child, doing intensive healing protocols to clear out toxins and parasites, battling insurance companies for diagnostic tests and expensive treatments, trying to help their child make friends. They are with you and they want to help and commiserate with you. I owe so much of Elijah's healing to the mothers I've met within the vaccine injury community. The Thinking Moms Revolution was my first step. Their stories are my story and we are a family. This entire community has joined together to not only help heal our children, but advocate for future generations. We are everywhere, speaking out for our medical rights in battles all over the country and world where the government wants to mandate vaccines and force our children to suffer more harm. We have stopped some of these laws in their tracks and continue to fight against the others. We have a voice and unless we use it, our children will not heal.

I will not shut up and I will not stop my fight to make anyone else more comfortable. I have accepted that I have lost friends and will continue to. That's ok. My life will not be measured by my friend count. 

Do not compromise your mission for anybody. Not just for your child, but for yourself. Speak up when you see something wrong and spread your message. You will be laughed at, mocked and ridiculed but it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you don't let them beat you. Your story matters and someone, somewhere will hear it and be changed for the better. Find yourself and own it.

Cheers,
Nicole

World Gone Mad!

...Hello? Is this thing on?

It's been awhile, hasn't it? I'm gonna cut to the core of it. I'm afraid.

Some terrible things have happened since my last post. Most people reading this, already know. But for those few who dont, a little back story.

A few months ago, a doctor at the CDC admitted on recordings and in a press release about fraudulent studies that were done on the MMR vaccine back in 2000. They covered up a discovery that the vaccine was causing a massive increase in autism in African American boys. Despite this coming to light, it was neatly swept under a giant rug to protect the people involved in the study. The doctor was given a promotion and the head of the CDC during this time was given a very powerful, new position at Merck. And now the truth has become myth. Twitter has been on fire regarding the CDC Whistleblower, reaching almost a billion tweets. Still, crickets from mainstream.

After this, there were mumps outbreaks at fully vaccinated schools as well as in the NHL, where they are vaccinated as well. Now, we are experiencing a measles outbreak at Disneyland. About 70 people have contracted it so far, some were vaccinated and some were not. While 70 cases is still less than the average number of reports for measles in America per year, it's caused a huge media frenzy. The result of this frenzy is why I am afraid right now.

Social media is exploding with threats against unvaccinated people, mostly kids (even though the adult population of this country is far more undervaccinated than the children are). I've seen terrible comments from grown adults. "Sue them! Jail them! Segregate them! If I get the measles from them, I will (insert violent act here) them!!!" There was a suggestion on the always charming show, The View, today regarding the branding of all unvaccinated people. They should all wear bracelets for identification. What's next, "labor camps?" Is history going to repeat itself in the form of Nazi friggen Germany of all places?

The MMR vaccine's package insert, written by the manufacturer, states that it can shed. Let me say that again. It.Can.Shed. Same with the flu shot, the pertussis shot, the chickenpox shot, and the shingles shot. Here is the problem with segregating unvaccinated individuals (you know, aside from the Nazi thing), is that who will these people start blaming when these outbreaks continue to happen? When all of us cesspooled unvaccinated, undervaccinated, vaccine injured ones are gone...then what? Will the truth finally prevail? That's a steep price to pay.

Our country is supposed to have this thing called freedom of medical privacy. So when we make the choice to not vaccinate or quit vaccinating, it's nobody's business except our own. Bit by bit, that right has been chipped away. Now exemptions are almost impossible to come by in many states, including my own. Here, and many other places, you have to have a doctor sign off on your choice to quit or not vaccinate. My child suffered the WRITTEN SIDE EFFECTS ON THE PACKAGE INSERT of Encephalopathy and Gastrointestinal damage. He was hurt by his vaccines. Many, many, many kids are hurt by their vaccines. The schedule is bloated beyond belief and it's growing. Chornic illness runs rampant in our childrens' generation. They are sick. Not from something treatable, like the flu or pertussis or the measles. From life long chronic diseases that will put a heavy strain on our healthcare system, economy and work force when they reach adulthood.

And now we see the rights being chipped away further. This outbreak has caused a huge tidal wave of hatred towards something people shouldn't be scared of. And now people like me and Dana have to sit in more fear of what will come next. Angry mobs, mandatory vaccination....segregation?! Vaccine injured families suffer every single day as it is. I have friends with children who literally cannot function. Some can't even walk down their stairs unattended because they get grand mal seizures and have fallen down hard enough to be killed. They have no hope for retirement or any savings because every last cent is spent on special diets, therapies, schooling, specialists, you name it. They fear that their children will be sent to live in a secluded facility with minimal care once they die. For the love of God, let these people live in peace from their choices of saving their children from further damage!

So here it is. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of incoherently angry people bullying me, my child and my friends. I'm afraid of what could happen to us if this unfounded fear turns into mass hysteria. It's the measles you guys. No one has died in our first world country from the measles in over a decade. Yes, complications are possible, just like every single disease on the planet including the ones we don't have vaccines for.

The real disease here is the fear. You cannot sit there and claim to be a freedom loving American, and try to force medical procedures on everyone. My child is sick because of these procedures. I make the choice to save him from it. You make your choices. If you want to vaccinate, do it and be confident in your choice enough to believe it makes you and your family safe. I do not fear measles, pertussis, the flu, etc. They are treatable, especially for us. We eat a very clean diet, we supplement for deficiencies, we exercise, we wash our hands, we don't abuse antibiotics, we have strong immune systems. We can survive these illnesses. We cannot survive the onslaught of toxins in those syringes. Our lives, our choices.

Cheers,
Nicole
 

A call to save one of our own

Her name is Melanie. She is one of the amazing mothers from The Thinking Moms Revolution. She is facing her second battle with cancer. Her son needs her; he is severely injured and his mother is his source for healing. If you feel compelled to help this amazing family, please go here. If you are unable, please share this link. Thank you so much. ~Nicole



Please go here to donate

The Generation Of Lonely Children

The start of the new school year has opened my eyes to a whole new level of parenting. Dana and I are part of a local group of amazing autism mothers called The Badgers (yes, Honey Badgers). They are one hell of a fun group of strong women. They make me laugh til I almost pee every time I meet up with them. One of these ladies, Chelsea, had a pretty awful moment today at school. Another mother, I guess with good intentions, walked up and told her how bad she felt for Chelsea's son, C, because none of the other kids wanted to play with him. And if only he were good at sports, maybe then he would have friends. Imagine someone saying that to you about your child. I give Chelsea so much respect for her response. She stood up strong and informed her that C has autism and perhaps maybe this mother's kids should make a positive example to other kids and try friending him. She told her how C prays every night asking for friends and to make his autism go away. Blank stare from other mom.

This broke my heart this morning. It stayed with me all day and as I was sitting in the parking lot at my kids' school, I watched afternoon recess for the older kids and noticed more heartbreak. Most of the kids were playing in pairs or groups. But there were a few random boys walking around by themselves. One was running beside another group of kids, alone but imitating the others. Another boy was standing in the field by himself, flapping his arms and randomly running in circles. He looked as if he were playing. Just. Alone. They were so alone and not a single other child seemed to care enough to make an effort to include them. As I witnessed these kids trying to make the best of their loneliness by entertaining themselves, my thoughts travelled back to Chelsea and C. And then I wondered if this is what the future holds for my own son. Will he be the kid walking around the field playing "superhero" completely alone? The thought makes my entire body ache. He has been through so much. He deserves friends as much as any one else.

By the time my son reaches grade school, the statistics of autism will be near 1 in 30. This is just autism. What about the other socially shunned disorders? ADHD, asthma, severe food allergies, obesity, etc?  How many kids will be part of the Lonely Generation? Even when they are in the majority, will it matter if so many of them can't even talk or make the initial steps to building relationships? How many kids are going to be scattered around the play yard, completely alone? This is why integrated programs are so crucial right now. We have to start teaching typical developing children now how to befriend and understand our upcoming sick children. Prevention is coming and we are working so hard to spread the word about vaccines and environmental toxins causing our children to be completely annihilated. But even if we were to save the coming generations from this trauma, we still have the ones left, like Elijah, Keanu and C. They cannot be left behind and forgotten about. We will not allow it. Please, parents and non parents alike, we beg you. Open your hearts and minds to the amazing possibilities of friending an autistic or other developmentally challenged person. They may not be the easiest people to "get" and live with. But they have so much to offer. Don't discount them. Teach your children that different does not mean less. It's personal to me; my child's well being is at stake. It should be personal to you with 50% of children being chronically ill. Someone you know is "socially unacceptable." Be the change.

~Cheers,
Nicole

Summertime + Autism

Here we are friends, smack in the middle of Summer 2013.

I have to be completely honest, the thought of summer + autism, gives me severe anxiety.

But! I had decided that I was not going to succumb to it, I was not going into it with a crap attitude, so far so good!

In my perfect world, there would be all kinds of recreational centers, just for special needs kids, I'm talking swimming, rock climbing, trampolines, running tracks, obstacle courses, slides, swings.... something for everyone!

But, then I woke up, nothing like that exists...

From our years of traveling to California and Hawaii, I fully realize that my son needs to swim, and all the time.. hmm.. now what?

How the hell do I make this happen when I don't have a pool in my yard?

Easy! Sign up at the local YMCA.. hmm.. tried it, and well, he breaks every single rule there, it's not enough time spent for him to relax, still, we get up, we do our best and we go.

Then something so awesome happened, my Uncle moved into an Apt. that has an indoor and outdoor pool - I was still chicken shit to take Keanu alone there though, what if he breaks the rules, what if the residents are jerks, what if.. you get it. This is what autism has done to my brain.

But, with my husband gone to work for 4 days I just had to try.

I am THRILLED to tell you that I mustered up some guts one morning and took him, and 3 other friends of ours' with me - we went back for the following 2 more days! We spent 3 glorious days swimming from morning until night, breaking only to eat and digest food - I learned ALOT about myself, got over some fears, was forced to engage with the "typical" kids and parents' who live at the Apts. and it was so wonderful!

Keanu beams from ear to ear in the water, he dives to the bottom, he jumps in, he swims underwater looking for me, laughing at me, he climbs on my back for a ride, he floats on his back like a frog, so happy it's like nothing I've ever seen.

Uncle knows this is imperative for Keanu, and the other kids' and we will be doing this as much as we can, I am so happy.

My next goal: to become a certified swim instructor, yeah, it's a big goal, but, I'm pretty serious.
:)

Aloha, Dana

Adventures With the School Nurse: Vaccine Exemptions

So, the last few weeks have been insanely busy. I have gone back to work full time and Elijah's school year has come to an end. We went through all of the end of year parties and IEP meetings. We decided to keep him in Preschool for a third year to better develop his communication and social skills before throwing him into Kindergarten. Another plus? His sister, Jazlyn, will be in the same class with him. Mommy thinks that's just too adorable :)

Anyways, Elijah's teachers are being moved to another school within the district, so I had to go through the registration process at the new school, including bringing in our newly acquired vaccine exemptions. We have that law requiring all three types of exemptions be signed by a doctor. Our naturopath decided we qualified for permanent medical exemptions for both kids. I love her so much for that. The state and federal governments will not ever be able to take that away from us (hopefully). Anyways, I brought in the signed and lawful exemptions along with the rest of the registration stuff to the new school office. The office staff called in the school nurse to verify the exemptions. She looked over them for a few seconds in silence and then the fun began.

Nurse: What medical conditions do they have that prevents them from being vaccinated?

Me: Elijah has suffered from a vaccine injury. The doctor believes Jazlyn had a mild one as well.

Nurse: A what?

Me: A vaccine injury. He had an adverse reaction to his shots when he was about a year old. He has autism as a result of encephalitis, demyelination and over toxicity in his entire body.

Nurse: *eyeroll* Oh.

Me: Yep, so no more vaccines for us.

Nurse: Well, was this signed by an actual doctor?

Me: Yes, Dr. A is a licensed ND. She even has a fancy "Dr." in her signature.

Nurse: Well, usually WE provide the exemption paperwork and then you take it to your doctor and bring it back.

Me: Well, she had the paperwork in her office. Saved a step.

Nurse: Why is this a photocopy? Where is the original?

Me: The doctor has the original. I can go get it if I have to.

Nurse: *sigh* This should be ok. Where is the additional form stating you are aware that should an outbreak occur, your children will be excluded from school until the outbreak is over?

Me: Um, that statement is already written on this official exemption sheet. Right above my signature.

Nurse: Well. I don't know if all this will be sufficient. I will take it and let you know if it's not.

Me: Thank you *walk out the door feeling the major eye rolls and overall bitchiness going on behind my back*

I was so ready to drink. Or fight. Or both. My goodness. Even with a LEGAL SIGNED exemption, I was given so much trouble. I did everything right. And still she tried to find a way around it and force my children to be vaccinated. The family who was being helped ahead of me was another preschool registration and the nurse had already been berating them for not having enough vaccines. The poor mother was almost in tears not understanding why her son needed more vaccines. "He has had SO many already," she said. I really felt for her. I looked at her son, smiling, healthy and happy. I pray he will stay that way. My son was not so lucky.

With so much pressure from doctors, media and even school nurses, it's no wonder so many parents blindly shoot up their kids, even when their instincts tell them not to. Unless you have spent the hours upon hours researching this topic, you really are lost on the whole subject. Your heart tells you its too much but since you are ignorant on it all, you just let it go and trust these people who tell you how perfectly safe it is.

One thing is for sure. The nurse can hate me all she wants, the mainstream doctors can browbeat and throw scary sounding statistics at me, the media can highlight every rare case of polio, measles, tetanus, whooping cough, mumps, etc on the 6:00 news, other moms can roll their eyes and condemn me as a negligent, idiotic mother. They will never break me again. Never. I did not lose my temper with that school nurse. I was armed with knowledge and experience of which she couldn't shake. Never again will I be intimidated or pressured into poisoning my children, and that is the most empowering feeling in the world. Call me crazy, call me negligent, call me anything you want. In the end, I know what damaged my child and thousands, millions just like him. I am secure in my choice, supported by an amazing doctor and strongly knit community of people like me. Together, we will change the perceptions of nonvaccinating families. I used to be afraid to talk about it in public. But I find that when I do, I actually get support. Regular people all over the country are genuinely curious about vaccines and have many questions. Instead of raging and scaring these people off, we must share our stories and our knowledge. Help them see what is happening to the current generation of children suffering from chronic illnesses. Perhaps we just may be able to save them without Pharma or government agencies changing their policies. WE have the power to save ourselves. One story at a time.

~Cheers!
Nicole

Vaccines, before and after.

I wanted to update you all about my son Keanu.

We began seeing a local Natropathic Physician about 6 weeks ago.  Keanu had been having bouts of OCD, hyperactivity and meltdowns that resulted in him hitting his own head and crying, *more than the usual amount... it was unbearable to endure as his mother.  I prayed she could do something, anything to help him.

We walked into her office and he immediately began zinging all over the room, since he's not conversational, I thought to myself "hmmff, here we go, she will only see this wild behavior and not know how smart he really is" -- I was WRONG. He sat down in her chair, grabbed a blank sheet of her paper and her pen and started to articulate beautiful words and drawings relating to his favorite games and movies. She stood there in awe. She observed his amazing skills and, again, I was WRONG to assume anything about her.

She wrote down her observations and then said: Labs, we need to run labs on his stool and see what his yeast levels and bacteria levels are.

GREAT! I thought! We haven't run labs in about 2 years, let's see!

She also suggested we start some new supplements based on the lab results and off I went with all the tools I needed.

I submitted the lab and it came back with some VERY interesting information.

He is NOT high in yeast, he did however test positive for the Streptococcus bacteria. And we began immediate treatment with new supplements and antibiotics for it.  I was very hesitant to use antibiotics as Keanu's never had them, and hes' 10 now, something I have been very fortunate to say. But, she was so intune with him she must know this protocol well. She was RIGHT, he immediately began to show far less OCD behavior and mood swings. He started to eat better, sleep better and the self injuring has significantly decreased!

Someone recently asked me if I saw him change after his infant/toddler vaccines, which ones and when?

The answer is YES.

What I had was a baby who had a tough beginning of life (lots of mercury exposure with his birth) then he started to progress, made all his developmental milestones until 12 months, began talking, made great eye contact, started eating a huge variety of foods, slept through the night - all to be LOST to an MMR vaccine given at 14 months of age.

I'm certain he was already affected by the building exposures to routine vaccines, but, the MMR is the one that affected him so terribly.

Please share this with anyone who is willing to listen.

 Like most parents, I thought that I HAD to vaccinate my son. I was told that I had to do it; it was good for his health; and that it was bad parenting and illegal if I didn't have him vaccinated. My son was on track developmentally until he had that MMR. He woke up a few days later unable to; speak, recognize my face, tolerate noise, and had no concept of depth perception or danger. I have videos of him before his one year vaccinations-----that boy is gone forever. It breaks my heart to know that people in the CDC knew about these risks and still lied to the public about them. My son is 10 years old now, he suffers alot from gut bacteria, and gastrointestinal problems. Innocent children, like my son, are suffering because of the greed of money.

*Keanu before the MMR vaccine, and after.